I'm watching you nap right now, curled up on the couch next to me. So
peaceful and still. I want to wake you up quietly with a kiss and
profess my love. But that's creepy, so I won't.
Simply put, you drive me nuts in all the right ways.
-k
P.S. I'd also like to wake you up so I can go fart in private. But I'm
enjoying this so much that I'll just let 'em rip. Hope it doesn't stink
too bad.
Hey I know you remember the time we got frisky in that empty class at
DeVry? I still think of that and just smile. Hey I know you think I am a
buster Miss Quack Quack...Just want to talk to you thats all. I know
your a mommy now so does that makes you a milf lol...This is just to
show you that I finally figured this whole shit out and the drugs did
not help with the slow but sure sentiments from the past. Just know that
I am sorry for hurting you and what I did to you was sooo wrong. She
did not deserve the love I gave her that should have been given to you. I
just want you to know that I appreciate all the help that you gave me
and all the love. If I remember correctly there was a nickname that I
gave you that always made you blush...I think I called you Miss
Peepines? Oh yeah one more thing you were great on the file cabinet at
your cousins house lol. Ok I think its time for me to take a cold
shower. Just wanted you to know that I have not forgotten you.
I was hailing a taxi when your freakishly thin bull dog puked her raw
diet all over my new vans. in lue of an apology your offered to take my picture, at the time I
thought you were super odd and creepy, but now I want to be friends,
meet me at the Enron building at noon.
Me: downtrodden soul standing with my shopping cart full of trashbags
clad in sooty,stinky clothes. I looked, perhaps unkempt, in my ripped coveralls and flannel shirt with
my greying beard and dred locked hair.
I reminded you that I served in Viet Nam and would work for food.
You statuesque late 20's early 30s Sacto Diva with expensive SUV and
Louis Vatton bag. Proud to exclaim you were a tax paying republican. You kicked me and told me to get a job. Said I
would use any money for cigarrettes and drugs.
I am back on my medications and have really cleaned up my act. I have
my jag out of storage and am drinking Cakebread Cabernet instead of
MadDog. We should date.
P.S. you looked like Sarah Palin but prettier.
You're just the sort of girl I'd love to be a sex slave to. We talked
about ipods and music and more.
I hope you read this because there isn't a chance in hell that I'll be
calling you again- I was pretty drunk when you came over last night.
Really I just wanted to hook up, and I knew you liked me... It should
have been a simple transaction. Instead it was awkward and apparently
you wanted to stay the night? Whatever.... But that fart that you ripped
IN MY BED was unforgivable. I seriously cannot even focus at work
today.... It's like you actually fogged up my brain. I've felt weird
about it all day, but I'm glad I didn't call you out on the spot.
Frankly, you're kind of strange, and I don't know how you would have
reacted if I'd said something... You probably would have farted again.
Anyway, let's forget we ever met, ok? You don't know me, and I don't
know you or the ass assault that you're capable of.
I cant really explain the way i felt, when you scanned my can of tuna.
The way your voice just rang when you asked "is there anything else?".
My heart flutters just thinking of your beautiful face. I wanna run my
hand past your fluffy cheeks through your beautiful brown hair. All i
can think about is your placing your hands on the wall and shaking it
like a dog. ruff ruff Do you like it doggie style. If you would like to
come over to my place and pussy fart on my bed, reply to my post and we
can shake what your mama gave you. Til i run out of tuna, i will be fantisizing of you!
Tried to meet you for sex this morning but you weren't there. I did run
into a guy while waiting, and we had time for some fantastic head! I was
driving a blue SUV, so if you see me there tomorrow, maybe we can also
have some fun. I'd love to meet you.
You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the
bread section this afternoon. I was the tall guy next to you that
looked over at you and asked, "Was that you?" You quickly replied, "No!" It almost seemed you were insulted by me
asking. As the smell became more dominate I tried to rid the stench by
waving 2 loafs of Viabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off as if
though you were angry. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like my dog at
home, I'd love to meet up sometime.
I saw you in the WalMart this afternoon. I was picking up another tube
of Preparation-H for an itch I've been dealing with for about 3 weeks
now (geez, that stuff really works, but it's a little messy rubbing on).
Anyway, I saw you in the feminine products setion, looking at tampons, I
think, maybe feminine deodorant spray. It's not important...the fact is
that I saw you in WalMart today. I was mesmorized by your collection of
neck tattoos, specifically the Latino design. I purposely knocked over a
display box of suppositories trying to get your attention.
Unfortunately, you just flipped me the bird and went around to the next
isle. I guess since you were shopping for feminine products, you were
feeling a little PMS. I refused to give up. I followed you around to the
next isle and pretended to be looking at some items on the shelf. I
grabbed a box from the shelf, not knowing what it was, and asked you if
you had ever used this product before. To my amazement, it was a rectal
thermometer...you looked at me and said WTF, and to leave you alone. I think there could be something more, hit me up if you read this. Tell
me the number of tattoos you have on your neck so I know it's really
you.
Yeah, that guy is totally stinky and greasy. Really gross. He makes me
want to barf.
He's probably in his parent's basement right now jerkin' it to a danish.
Loser.
Next time you have to fart in Starbucks, go to the ladies room. You
gased the whole fucking place out, shame on you.
Friday was the most embarassing day of my life. I am so ashamed. I had no idea that you were sitting at your desk when I unleashed a
nasty Taco Bell fart that I was fighting back all morning. I just could not keep that dirty old man in my stomach any longer. And to make matters worse I yelled out, " La Cu Caracha !" When I passed your cubicle and saw you sitting there, I died a thousand
deaths. You just kept reading.... How considerate. I always thought that you have the most beautiful eyes that I have ever
seen and I dream of asking you out to dinner with me. But that will never happen now. Now that I have been exposed as a slyme ball. A creature who thinks
everything is a big joke. I wanted to apologize to you Friday but they said that you left early. I hope you are well.
And H bomb says she don't remember if she was ever donkey punched or
not???
After vomiting all over the table you were serving tonight, you were
kind enough to drag me outside and wipe the vomit off my face and pants.
I don't think I caught your name, but I would like to see you again.
